I was watching her. She was small, maybe three. It’s possible that she was attempting a cartwheel, but in the sand, it was hard to tell. Her face was determined, and so expressive, it was like I could read the words that were going through her mind like a scrolling computer screen on her scrunched up forehead.
I looked around from my beach chair and found her parents nearby. They were engrossed in what I’m guessing was the little sandy gymnast’s brother. He was tiny, and his big accomplishment was blowing bubbles. So it makes sense that they weren’t watching the older girl, who was doing such a great job of entertaining herself.
Entertainment, though, soon turned to complete frustration. It was a quick trip, as it often IS when you are three (or 43). My inner teacher, who taught kids this little girl’s age on up for about fifteen years, woke up from the beach vacation.
I kept my gaze steadily on her.
Soon, her eyes met mine, after a particularly hard tumble. Tears would be coming soon, as evident as a dark raincloud in the sky. I smiled my best keep going smile. There are at least two hundred different smiles available to any human. Any teacher knows the keep goingsmile. You might know it, too. It’s a cross between Oh honey, I know it’s hard, and But I know you can do it by yourself.
The girl looked at me with interest. I raised my eyebrows as if to say, Well? Whatcha got up your sleeve?
She read my expression perfectly. What a smart little cookie.
She popped up the short distance from the sand and was concentrating hard. She bit her little lip and took off at a run across the white sand littered with shells.
One pointy shell in her tiny little Flintstone foot took her down.
I waited for tears and a possible screech, but it didn’t come. She looked back at me. I smiled my Oh dang it, sweetheart. Ouch! But keep going!
This little girl evidently spoke fluent SMILE. She smiled her best thanks but I’m tough smile, popped up in a flurry, and went again.
And again.
And again.
Between every try she would lock eyes with me.
And we would both smile.
All of the sudden, the little bubble blower, that was her brother, (I’m assuming) had evidently had enough of the beach. The mom packed up towels and balls, and teething rings as the dad looked up to see the little gymnast. He called for her…ahhhh…so they were FRENCH. She answered back and went running to him, but not before giving me the most beautiful Thank you so much for watching me smile.
I waved to her over her Dad’s shoulder. She beamed. And as I waded out to the water to cool off, I thought about my lovely encounter with that gorgeous little Earthschooler.
I’m a person who works really hard to light not only my own inner motivation fire, but others’ as well. I post stuff like this all the time.
But there’s always exceptions to every rule, I think. I’m remembering all the crazy ideas I’ve had in my lifetime. All the things I’ve wanted to try. Many moons ago, when my kids were little, and I had just stopped teaching for a bit, my friend Krissy and I started an organizational system for Homeschooling parents. She and I were Montessori teachers, and had a lot to offer in the way of setting up a school. We traveled to quite a few houses, and worked with a number of people. I even spoke to a couple of groups, which landed some of my words into a chapter of a book that one of the women wrote about Homeschooling small children.
It didn’t go anywhere, that job. It ended, and I wish I could remember the details, but I can tell you the words my Mom had for me when I had wanted to start the whole thing: OH honey, that sounds really neat! You will be amazing at that!
And Krissy and I were, but owning our own business wasn’t in the cards for as at the moment.
Over the next few years in between kids and teaching, I tried my hand at refinishing furniture (a profession that nearly ended my 20-something year marriage)**, faux painting (I mean I figured it out in MY house, how hard could it be?), until I had a moment of clarity and realized I really didn’t want to paint other people’s walls because it wasn’t nearly as fun, and I also tried my hand at flower design in a wonderful flower shop in our town.
To all these things, my Mom’s words were very similar: You are wonderful at everything you try. Why would this be any different? I also had a handful of close friends echoing the same sentiment. ***
Every single time.
It’s gotten me to thinking: Just how much Outside Influence should we be dependent on?
As I felt the waves crashing in on my shins, I came up with this:
We are, of course, responsible for ourselves. In the end, if we, ourselves, do not approve of ourselves, whatever it is we are trying to do won’t really work the way we want it to. So much of any kind of success is an inside job. There are a million quotes that you could find to back that up.
But there’s also this other part, the part that we don’t talk about as much, and that’s our responsibility as fellow Earth Schoolers. I have a belief that the way we care for and encourage others is the rent we pay to live here on earth.
And it’s so cheap.
One kind encouraging word. One SENTENCE. One or more keep going smiles.
Going home from our Mexican vacation, our family was totally split up. I ended up chatting with a professor from Canada. She was so interesting, and I loved hearing about her life. She asked me what I did, and I told her that I had taught for many years, and did a lot of different things, and now found myself as a Life Coach.
Her eyes got really wide, and she asked a lot of questions. She was a wonderful listener. When we had landed back in the land of REALITY, and were gathering our bags, she said, You are a brave soul. I love the way you’ve tried things. It’s very inspiring. And I bet you are an amazing Coach. Good for YOU!
I immediately felt like the little French girl in the sand, trying to do cartwheels, with a perfect stranger smiling at me. I love the magnetics of the Universe. It’s impossible to give anything without receiving something back.
Today: Pay your rent. Smile. Ask questions. Give an encouraging word. You will probably never know how much it means to the receiver.
Footnote**Part of my refinishing job was going to auctions and finding furniture to well, REFINISH. I loved that part. Our garage was full to the brim with what I liked to call, diamonds in the rough. My husband could only so many diamonds, evidently. I guess garages are meant for vehicles. Whatever. Shake it off, Lis. Shake it off.
***Krissy, Lorri, Dawn thank you from the bottom of my heart for believing in me– no matter what. I love my girls.
The day started out like any other day- I greeted my children, they settled in, and we began our work for the day. Teaching in a Montessori School is a wonderful thing, because at any given moment, a child may walk up to you and say, “Miss Lisa? I’m ready to learn division today!”….or, “Could you teach me more about how the continents were formed? I want to know more!!” or, “Hey Miss Lisa could you listen to my multiplication tables? I want to try to pass the EIGHTS today!!”A Montessori school requires the teacher to follow the child, and their motivations and interests. My role as teacher, was Tour Guide to the exciting things about living on earth; it was to share the very building blocks of the world-and to this day, I still can’t believe I got to do it.
That day, the day I will always bookmark in my life, I remember a flurry of activity, like any other. It’s something to see: kids on fire about learning. I was in the middle of a lesson when one of my smallest students tugged on my dress. She looked pale, and not her normal, exuberant self. Tears were welling up in her blue eyes and I knew we needed to call her mom.
I went to the big binder called PARENT INFORMATION and found my student’s mom’s number. But under her number, something popped out at me. Under PROFESSION, were the words, life coach.
I still remember the way I stopped in my tracks. I knew I was led to this page that I held in my trembling hand. I want to say it was de ja vu, except that’s not exactly it. It was like finding something that I remembered looking for in another life time. Sorry. I know that explanation is as clear as mud, but it’s the best I can do. If I could use dramatic music….I would use it HERE.
I dialed the number, and I recall saying, “Mary? Keeley isn’t feeling well, could you come? And also Mary? Can we talk about you being my Life Coach sometime?”
Here’s what’s strange. It was 1999. I had never heard of a LIFE COACH. I’d never heard a description, and I sure as heck didn’t know anyone who was ever life COACHED. But something in me knew that having a Coach in your life, was a good thing. I had been watching Mary, for a long time, and I liked the way she did Life. I admired how she never appeared to be frazzled or rushed. I watched the way she spoke to her children-they were equals she respected. She laughed easily. She approached problems we had at school like the kids in my class did: calmly, confidently, with a tinge of excitement at having a challenge. (yes, she is that amazing!!)
The truth is, the very environment I was in, led me in the direction of asking for a Coach in my own life. All day long, I was coaching. A motto that we started out reciting each day was, I like myself, I can think for myself; there are no problems too great to be solved. In the Montessori program, Writing and Math are only part of the curriculum. If a child is a having a conflict with another child, it’s not swept under the rug. Actually, it was the opposite. We almost celebrated it-because here was a chance to solve a problem, the right way. It was learning at it’s best. The children are taught how to stop, and talk the problem out so that both walk away with a resolution. Often, the whole class gets in on it, offering help, ideas, and support.
In essence, I was teaching the children, and myself, that there’s always a better way to live our lives, and we must keep reaching for it.
Mary took me on, and that ‘s when I began looking at everything in my life differently. I would come to Mary in our sessions and give her a laundry list of the things that were wrong in my life. She would sit with me, and patiently untangle each and every thing. She taught me a variety of things, that today I call TOOLS. I literally picture a tool box, and each of our sessions added a new and different tool to my box entitled How to Deal with Life.
And here’s the thing….now, after 15 years of teaching children, and 3 kids, and 17 years of practicing using all my tools, and learning a few more…I’m able to do for others what was done for me. I’m able to offer Coaching that untangles, and heals.
We came to this earth, which I like to call EarthSchool,to learn and grow. My Montessori students came to my classroom everyday, so excited about learning something new! And I often call on that energy when I start to feel like Life is getting too routine. I remember their joyful attitudes and the way they would beg me for the next step.
I call on their zest for life, and remember to ask for more lessons, and the grace to learn how to get through them with the same energy my small students had as they approached the works in our little classroom.
What parts of your life have you sort of just given up on? What have you put on the back burner, because you can’t even deal? What problems in your life keep coming up, making you CRAZY, because, seriously…WHY ME?! Have you often thought, There has to be a better way! but never really found it? Or do you just keep getting up everyday and hope for the best?
I’ve been working with some amazing, brave men and women (and even some children) who have decided they want to be on purpose about their lives, and want to learn a better way. I love to teach. More to the point, I love to teach THIS. Small confession: Math never was my favorite.
Today, because I want to encourage more people to see what happens when you sit with an unbiased, loving and caring person, with no preconceived notions, no judgments, only solution-centered goals–I’m offering A DEAL. I want others to see how a huge knot can be untangled in their lives.
TWO 90 MINUTE SESSIONS WITH ME FOR $88.88. I could wow you with the math on what an incredible discount I’m offering, but, since I don’t LOVE THE MATH….can you just trust me? It’s good.
So, I’m only offering this until I hit 15 deals sold. And some of those are gone, baby, GONE..already. Don’t wait. I can’t wait to work with you.
A formal dinner hosted by a woman I admire, who in Alice in Wonderland terms, has a lot of muchness. Fancy, yet low-key. Ladies. Real. No fake butter or people. This was the invitation, as I read it, and for someone who operates at soul level as much as possible, I’ll move whatever I have to in order to show up for that.
The evening didn’t go as planned, but this is where it really gets good.
I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way (s)he handles these three things: A rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights.― Maya Angelou
We ladies were chattering away joyfully, sipping wine, munching on appetizers, and happily soaking in the fragrant smells that filled the whole house. The thought hit me, this is good, this is needed by me, and I didn’t even know it. As a mom, and someone who is building a business, it’s easy to become stalkerish, or obsessive, or both.
About both.
To just be a person. I mean, isn’t that a novel idea?
When was the last time, I was just Lisa? Lisa the Mom- girl who is NOT worrying about losing Quinn for the 257th time, or Lisa, the entrepreneur – girl focused on creating something new and valuable for women, but affordable; something that doesn’t sound super odd and woo-woo…..
It was an experience that I was just soaking in with relish and delight.
And then there was a crash, and blood, and our evening took a detour. Our lovely host, had dropped a very heavy pizza STONE on her toe, and thankfully, we had a medical girl in the house, who said, ….”oh! it looks like stitches are needed!” , because the injured girl had planned to RUB SOME DIRT ON IT just wait and see how it was doing after dinner. We were all looking at the blood, glad to have Medical girl there, because it looked like something that could not wait.
One of the take charge ladies, one I would call in case of any emergency in my life, who I feel would probably always just know what to do–took our bloody-toed girl to urgent care, and the rest of us decided to stay, and to keep the home fires burning, vowing to eat our feast when they returned.
We all held the vision of it taking a couple of hours, that it would be no big deal, as this was the prevailing mood of the crowd. Robin, the, injured, exuded calm and practicality, and drama just had no place at this party.
And so we girls waited.
And the two hours passed by quickly. We were in control of Time, and it knew it.
When they returned, right on schedule, the real party started. It’s interesting, but, when a crisis occurs, it seems to sift away all the low-level, of no importance stuff. It keeps you in the now….in the grateful now. We ate the food like it was our last meal, and it tasted that good. We giggled at the peculiar night that none of us could have seen coming. And we just lived inside that night, paying no attention to a future morning, where sleepy eyes and headachy HEADS would be a reality.
Soul-deep conversations happened.
Silly and sillier conversations happened…with food and drink fit for queens. I sincerely hope everyone in the world gets to have moments in their lives just as wonderful as this, minus the painful injury, because not all of us take such things in stride.
I remember once, my son at a wrestling meet. There was some confusion, and so as he sat, visiting with friends, he was shocked to hear his name over the loud-speaker. It seemed his opponent and the officials were all waiting for him, as he made a mad dash to the mat, and hurriedly ripped his shirt and shorts off.
The match was over in seconds, with my son finding himself stuck to the mat like a butterfly pinned to styrofoam. My husband shook his head, he wasn’t ready-he had no time to prepare. And that was exactly it.
pictured: my son, Gage, after not being prepared.
My son would meet up with this same opponent a few weeks later, to earn a much better result. The difference? Being prepared. If you’ve ever watched a wrestler get ready for a match, you’ll notice they often have headphones on. They may be pacing, or jumping up and down- or just sitting in silence. No matter what those moments before a match look like, I promise you that every successful wrestler has a routine.
Gage, in a much better position.
I love that I get to use sports metaphors, even though I myself, was a comedy to behold in any arena was never actually a sport person. Herein lies the beauty of my children, who have taught me much more than I could ever teach them.
Go to any sporting event and watch a team that’s worth its salt-watch how they prepare for competition. My daughter’s softball team generally has this routine:
arrive an hour early
stretch and warm up your muscles
practice the skills needed for the game
motivational speech by the coach
cheering for themselves and anticipating a win by reminding each other how amazing they are
some quiet time in the dugout
water drinking
I reckon each day in our life is really the same as preparing for any sporting competition. And how are we grownups doing? Are we running and hustling to start our day? or are we standing still, straight and strong, ready to meet the day head on? I’m here to tell you, I’ve lived life both ways, and the not-hustling way seems to be my favorite.
Morning Magic
So I’ve been holding my own little warm up sessions for each day for the past few years, and for the life of me, I can’t tell you what made me do it-I really can’t remember. But something must have really inspired me to stop hitting the snooze the button. Whatever it was, I’m really grateful, because the difference has been startling, to say the least.
The best way I can put it, is…I always used to feel at the mercy of the day. Who knew what the day might hold? Certainly not me! But I desperately HOPED it would be a good day. And some days were, of course, but most caught me off guard, reminding me of my son when his name was called over the loud-speaker. I often said phrases like, why me? or that’s just my luck….or I just can’t wait for Friday!! or my personal favorite: This day just needs to be over.
When I started to get up, at least an hour early, I had this feeling of being on top of things. My day started out on purpose and rather than feeling like the day was happening to me, I felt like I was creating my day. What a difference.
I hosted a Morning event this summer, and really didn’t know what the responses would be. I mean, 6:30 on a Saturday? Who does that to people, right? But I did, and the feedback was amazing. The women who participated had the most amazing experience, and this has really encouraged me to put together a program for the ladies in my area.
I’m excited to announce: Dell Rapids Monday Morning Magic!
Basically, our time spent together is dedicated to opening ourselves UP to allowing all the goodness that is trying to make its way TO us.
Here’s what it will look like:
Over a period of four consecutive Monday’s……
A 75 minute time space divided into seven sections of:
Meditation/prayer
Light exercise/stretching
Workbook writing
Affirmations
Visualization
Inspirational reading
LaDelle and Fourth Coffee, fruit and camaraderie
If we can start our day in the most positive and intentional of ways, it could just create one of the best days ever. If we could start our week out this way, it might just change everything.
I’ve talked a lot about the need for creating a tribe of women who you can be real with, and if you missed that post, you can find it HERE. I’m on a mission, and it calls for me to find ways to gather women together-to do good in the world, to be their best selves, and to be on purpose. I’m super excited to create with other amazing souls.
I’d also like to announce my new website, Lisa Carr Coaching, where very soon, you will be able to see all of my upcoming events, register AND PAY online. Like how fancy is THAT?! In related news, I’m having an absolute ball working one-on-one with my coaching clients. Something magical happens when I sit down to create plans and strategies with women who are committed to living their best lives. I really am the luckiest. I hope to see you soon!
I’ve been a busy girl. My mind has been whirling around like crazy after my very first Women’s Rest Shop. It exceeded every dream I had of women coming together-creating a circle of love and trust; a circle made strong by hope, dreams, and faith.
And this is the space that was created by not only myself, but Angels, (of the both the earthly kind, and heavenly kind.)
A couple of the responses I received, which just felt like winning the lottery:
It was absolutely wonderful! I am SO glad that I went to this. I didn’t know what I was missing in my life. ❤️I am very much an introvert so it is hard for me to open up. It was nice to be in a group where I felt a little more at ease talking about things.
And this:
I feel I need to share a little bit about today. After I left today, off to work and other meetings tonight, I’m just now “taking it all in” on what went down this morning. This morning was so out of my comfort zone but I knew it was something that I needed to experience. I am so thankful and feel so blessed to have been a part of this with all of you. The one word that comes to mind is healing. So many firsts for me that happened, also met a few new people and connected with Dells ladies that I see out and about. Lisa, how can I ever thank you enough for starting this journey and including me and these other wonderful ladies !!Today was truly a great day!
It was just everything I dreamed up in my head, and more. We had about 12 of us ladies, and the day really flowed.
Questions abounded: When is the next one?
One of my favorite places in Dell Rapids, is the Mother’s Healing Garden. It has an actual labyrinth in it. I mean, how many small towns of 3500 people can say that? My friends Carol and Jeannie created it after the loss of their beautiful boys, Jeremy and Wyatt. They felt so sad coming to the cemetery, and wanted to change that. They innately felt, that there was ground there that wanted to become. They felt deep in their bones, that they could create a space for deep healing and joy.
And so they just did it. Like magical women who forgot that the word reality even exists.
I’ve been hanging out there nearly as long as we have lived here in Dell Rapids. This place drew me in like sailors heeding a siren call. I still thank my Angles for leading me there, because really, I had no justifiable reason to go there. Not being from here, I don’t have family buried in the cemetery, which you need to drive through to get to the garden.
Photography by Ronda Decker Haak
And yet.
The feeling you get when you come into this space is the combination of a silent ancient cathedral, holy and sacred, and a forest, with tall trees who hold old secrets, and grass where only the deer have been. It is exactly that. I could give you more words, but truly they don’t work very well to describe this place that wanted to become.
Photography by Ronda Decker Haak
It’s no wonder that things like sacred drum circles are being held there now under each New Moon, as well as impromptu prayer circles.
And so. Why not have my next Rest Shopthere? Right? All of my goals lined up perfectly with the energy of the Healing Garden, that I sort of call The Secret Garden, because it seems that everyone who knows of it, thinks of it as their secret.
And so began the plans for a soul-massaging night for about 14 women to experience something so special and sacred that I couldn’t get the feeling out of my heart.
There was storytelling, labyrinth walking, guitar playing, EATING, EFT tapping, and a Healing Circle Ritual followed by the kind of girl talk that generally only takes place after 2 pm at a slumber party. (Like when you are like 15, and your biggest worry is that you cannot get your hair HIGH ENOUGH.) One of my friends captured this picture, and the deep happiness it causes in my body is called pure bliss.
Behind the garden, with the corn standing guard and the fireflies keeping watch.
I knew as soon as that blessed night ended, that more had to come. I knew. But then the “reviews” came in, and I felt it in my very bones.
I loved last night!! My favorites: again the healing circle, of course the food, the live music, and as always your amazing energy!! Oh, and the location!! I totally admit that I completely forgot that we were even by a cemetery!! I felt totally awake and in such a good space!! When the dark set in, I loved just being near a corn field, sitting on homemade quilts, with the company of the fireflies and all the women there!! I would, however, love to delve a bit deeper into tapping and maybe even other meditative techniques? I also seem to have difficulty knowing what to journal about? I think I would benefit from more specific guidance in that department?? Thank you Lisa!!
and this one:
I loved everything. I especially liked the angel cards. The campfire behind the wall was enchanting as was the Garden after dark.
or:
Positives: Location, location, location! And the awesome weather you ordered. The healing circle, tapping, hearing your story, hearing a snippet of *T’s story, *K and *M becoming fast friends, being made to feel special, Jeannie Ammon and Carol’s project…and so much more.
Negatives: the evening went too quickly.
Great job, and I very sincerely thank you! (*names protected)
Photography by Ronda Decker Haak
So. I was given some amazing feedback, and have been hard at work ever since-tweaking and polishing for the next two events.
One Rest shop will honor the request of all the ladies who said, It has to be at night again! And during the week so I can go! And the next will honor all who said, I need a weekend date please! I’m very excited to host yet another night under a setting sun with beautiful guitar music and women who turn back into little girls when you give them some fire, a quilt and a few fireflies. But the morning one? I must confess to being out of my mind about that one.
As some of you know, I’m a morning girl. I haven’t always been, but over the last five years, I’ve discovered how much more sweetness and synchronicities occur in my life, when I start my day intentionally, in the morning–before anything or anyONE …..can happen to it.
Intentional early mornings make me feel like I’m WINNING AT LIFE! And add to it, the Secret Garden, Coffee and tasty food by my friend, Carol, Meditation and Music and Connection with lovely ladies?!
I’m practically levitating.
So. Here’s what you need to know if you are coming to these events, or any in the future:
I love you so much for coming, and when you come, I will hug you and tell you that this day feels like Christmas for me. Because it will. These days are full of so many gifts, I can barely sit still, and generally cannot SLEEP the night before because of it.
I will ask you to step slightly out of your comfort zone. If we had a 5 day retreat or something (a dream of mine I am working on)….you could spend a couple of days keeping to yourself and warming up in super slow mo. However, we only have a few hours, and I don’t want you to walk away from the experience wishing you had opened up. I want to help you have the experience you came for.
I will feed you. Because that’s what my Mom does. She feeds people. And my whole career is based on the way my own mom nurtures and coaches, and the way she has always done this for people in her life, with myself often in the front row, taking notes.
From the moment you sign up, I begin to pray for you. I ask Angels to cover you with extra grace and blessings. I picture your heart chakra glowing green and open, and your crown chakra glittering and golden. I know that for many women who come, this is a bit scary, and so I ask Archangel Michael to stand by your side and to protect you at all times during this experience.
Understand that the next day you may be, what’s the technical term….. oh yes–POOPED. It’s normal. So many stuck emotions and heavy things we carry around (like it’s our job)—get moved, washed away, and keep going right down into the earth where they can be absorbed and transformed. This is big stuff, darlings. It’s the energetic comparison of running a marathon. So be gentle with yourself the next couple of days.
I’m so thrilled to be doing this work, that most days I can hardly stand it. It’s truly amazing to facilitate meetings with women who laugh, cry, connect, and discover how joyful it is to FEEL–when maybe they have been wearing a few coats of armor to protect themselves for as long as they can remember.
I’ve also begun work one on one with women who want to get some tools from my tool box. I’ve been studying happiness so long, I can’t even FIT all my tools in a box anymore. And so I share them, and understand why I’ve been doing all of this research for all these years and WHO I was doing it for, besides myself.
Living my very best life has been my passion, and even if I make it to 99, it will still be my passion. The only thing I’m more passionate about, is helping others to find that sweet place of intentional and stubborn gladness, that I truly believe God wants for all of us.
And by lovers….I mean books, of course. Come on people. Get your heads out of the composting bin.
Ok. I’m gonna get right to it. I love love lovebooks on spiritual guidance/how to be my best self/how to be of greater service to my family and the world. I just do. And I know it’s not for everyone, which is great news actually, because then I’d have nothing to share with people. I’d be all ohmygosh I have to tell you about this super cool thing Dr. Wayne Dyer said about when you change your thoughts….and then they’d be like…yep Lis. Read that. I already KNOW how to change my thoughts so that I can change what I see in the world. NEXT.
But alternately, I do love talking about books with people who enjoy these kinds of books. Because then I might hear of one that makes me jet off to good ole’ Amazon quicker than a woman ordering the latest handbag that Jen Hatmaker herself wore during her amazing trip to all the amazing places in the world. I may or may not have raced there only to find that they are all sold out. Thanks for nothing Jen. OH fine. I still love you, because I did get in on your plug about the beachwaver. You were right. I’m in so much love with it that the waver and I should get a room.
Jen writes one of my favorite books, called For the Love. If you know her, like I pretend know her, she is just real and the also the salt of the earth. Salt isn’t fancy, it’s just the flavor that you take for granted will always be there. That is Jen, strong, steadfast, and such a role model for me. AND is also literally SALTY sometimes. Which is just perfect. PSSSTTTTT. I’m slipping her book in, and yet not counting it as one of my five. Like how I did that? teehee!!!
Alrighty. Let’s get this going, shall we? I’ve got lots of things to LINK to, because I know you are going to be wanting to go to Amazon and get all these books. Do a little finger warm up, because you are gonna be doin’ some clickin’. And nobody wants you to pull a finger. Unless it’s your Uncle Fred, who never gets tired of that joke.
Excuse me, your life is waiting, by Lynn Grabhorn. This is the first book I read that woke me up to my power to vibrate faster in order to pull in higher frequencies. Ok. Don’t glaze over here, now. Lynn is hilarious in this book and speaks very plainly with tons of stories. She just went on a mission to make her life better, discovered the work of Abraham(several angels who channel their message through Esther Hicks), and actually set out experimentally to find out what happens when you take steps to change your own vibration. Lynn has passed into the Heaven realm now, but I’m so glad she fulfilled her purpose on earth-to write a book that completely changes people’s lives. It did mine. Yep, it’s that huge. (teehee!! I did it AGAIN!! I snuck another book in!! See how I did that?)
The Power of Your Subconscious Mind, by Joseph Murphy. Published in 1963, folks. And it’s a heavy hitter. My oldest friend (we attended each other’s one year-old birthday parties-old) gifted me this book, and I go through periods in my life when it doesn’t leave my side. It’s full of affirmations, stories, bible verses (that Dr. Murphy broke down to better understand the meaning) and so much more. For example, he once worked with a doctor who said, “Everything in my life is topsy-turvy. I’ve lost health, wealth, and friends. Everything I touch turns out wrong.” Joseph talked with him, and inspired him to write this affirmation, which he lovingly repeated every day: Infinite intelligence leads and guides me in all my ways. Perfect health is mine, and the Law of Harmony operates in my mind and body. Beauty, love, peace, and abundance are mine. The principles of right action and divine order govern my entire life. I know my major premise is based on the eternal truths of life, and I know, feel, and believe that my subconscious mind [God] responds according to the nature of my conscious mind’s thinking. And of course, he got better. This book is chock full of amazing stories and inspiration, and I’m always blown away that it was written 20 years before I was even born! Ok fine. Eight.
I Need Your Love, Is That True? How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead, by my beloved Byron Katie. (Just call her Katie-she’s casual like that). One day, I got really brave, and read this book all the way to the end. The first time I tried, I got super nervous, because Katie was saying all sorts of crazy things like, It’s not your job to like me, that’s my job. And I was like, seriously lady? Really? Because I genuinely love shoving that burden off on my husband and family. But the thing is, she had a point, and I started to look at all the relationships in my life very differently. What if I actually started to take responsibility for my own happiness? What a concept! And then, she had this handy worksheet called :Ask the Four Questions. It was life changing, and every now and then, I need to pull one of these bad boys out in order to ….well……in fancy terms—just get over myself already. I really can’t even begin to recommend this book enough, but it’s not for the faint of heart. Katie may call you sweetheart, but she doesn’t pull any punches.
Carry on Warrior: The Power of Embracing Your Messy Beautiful Life by my friend and mentor Glennon Doyle. Every now and again, I get really stuck in my writing, and so I shoot G a little tweet or message, and even though she is crazy busy and famous, she always has words of wisdom for me, and as long as I live, I will never stop singing her praises. She is the realest deal there is, my little reader. She takes the brokenness of her life, and lays it out there for all to see. We watch her descent…but then we see her rise, and it’s something of beauty. And it’s all there-so that you can use Glennon’s journey, to help you on yours. The thing G does, is takes that invisible line there is in the world that divides-marks some people as out, and other as IN– goes and grabs everyone’s hands, and DECLARES that everyone BELONGS, and pulls them into the circle.(Her newest book, Love Warrior made Miss Oprah Winfrey herself take notice and say, “Girl! you are my new best friend! move over Gayle!” (well maybe not that last part. (teeheheee!!! I did it again! I am the trickiest blogger EVER)
Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia by Elizabeth Gilbert. What can I say about this book that hasn’t already been said? I think Liz would say to me, “just tell em what it meant to YOU, honey” And so I will tell you that this book taught me what it looks like to completely surrender–to let go of a plan, or the way you think life should be. To be brave, and try things, and that nothing, and I mean nothing, is more vital to living your best creative life, than taking time to develop a spiritual practice. I am taken aback when I read this book, at the way Liz just went beyond fear, and created such BIG MAGIC in her life. (high five me, here, ok? I’ve just now successfully snuck in yet another book without it counting. Oh the cleverness of me!)
Calling all women of Dell Rapids and the surrounding areas!! I want YOU to come to a thing, that many might call a workshop, but something inside of me says, no no no. women are tired, they don’t need to work more. They need to rest. And they need to learn how to rest.
And so.
I will not be promoting any workshops any time soon. What I will be suggesting though, is a REST-shop.
And so now, you are probably wondering what on God’s green and buggy earth I’m talking about. A rest-shop? What is this? Is this some new multi-level marketing thing I’ve missed?
I’m quite sure you have NOT heard of this my little friends, and that’s because I invented it. Yep. Some of you may know, I’m a mom, and a writer….but an inventor?!
Yes siree bob.
And wanna know why? Cuz I see this as a need. I feel it as a need within myself. Women are craving soul companions. They are hungry for stories from other women who are brave and struggling, and messy, but mostly brave, because here they are–continuing to show up for life with hopes and optimism. The women I’m thinking of are so tired of the lower energies of gossip, and competition, and judgement. And they want to know a different way to be in the world. They sense it’s there, in fact, when they get quiet, they know. But then Billy has a soccer game, and there’s work, and supper, and who on God’s sunny and hot earth–has time to drop out of any old, easy habits of living?!
Maybe tomorrow.
Sigh.
I mean, how DO you find soul companions? An ad in the paper would look sort of like this: Woman looking for deep conversations, and listeners who hear between all the problems, and have solutions that make a soul glow.
Easy breezy, huh?
I’ve had this question (how do you find soul companions) posed to me enough times to know–it’s a THING. It’s something that I’ve heard: I love my friends and family, but at the same time, I want to connect in a different way. I want to live my life more on purpose.
So, I won’t claim to be an expert on this, but I will tell you that I’ve been very blessed in my life. I grew up and was raised by a Master Life Coach, who cleverly disguised herself my mom. She did all her work out of our small kitchen, at our kitchen table on the phone, or sometimes she went to people’s houses. Through my child’s eyes, it looked like she was just having coffee, or chatting on the phone. But it wasn’t so. She was listening to problems, chewing them up, and spitting out comfort, reaching for a hand and offering a different way to look at the world- new tools for her friend to put into her tool box.
My Quinn, holding my Mom’s hands that have done so much working and loving.
And she does this, still. I have a feeling she will do this until her last day. The coffee is always on, and she is there bustling about, writing letters (another form of her coaching), cussing out the squirrels she feeds, who pay her back by eating her flowers, (little stinkers)….or sitting on her deck enjoying the farm that she and Dad worked so hard for. And when people drive by her house, they find their car turning into her country lane. They are drawn to that kitchen-to that beautiful woman of faith– who they can rely on to listen to them, quiet their thoughts, and come up with a plan.
Oh. And she always feeds them. We cannot forget that.
I learned something so precious from that momma of mine: We women stick together. We support each other positively, and in a way that grows each of us. And so, is it any wonder, that my two best friends I’ve had since the age of 7, are still two of my best friends who I continue to grow with spiritually? I learned how to seek out depth from a very early age. I saw how my mom did this, and I followed suit.
And over the years, I’ve continued my search, and I’m so happy to report, I have more soul companions than a girl really deserves-who I share my life with. And I want to do this for other women. I want to provide a space where women can connect deeply, and meaningfully. I want to take my Momma’s kitchen and transport all the amazing love energy that lives there and bring it here.
My Vision
I want to hold a 3 hour REST-shops for women where we:
join together in a loving, spirit-filled environment
give a voice to the hard stuff, uncomfortable stuff; to the icky aspects of life
learn new ways to deal with the old problems
make our very own spiritual first aid kits that we will take with us wherever we go
honor our own strength and persisterhood
take our place, as the healers of our families, this community, this earth
enjoy some rest, relaxation, fill our bellies and our hearts
Do you trust me?
When I came out as a Life Coach, I didn’t want to call myself that. My dear Mary, from Your Joyful Life is a Life Coach, one who coached me during my life in Rapid City, where my Mom’s kitchen was 500 miles away, I had two little kids under the age of 2, and where long distance was actually a thing, and one we couldn’t afford. She stepped out as one of the Angels hiding in plain sight in my life. I’ve learned so much from her, and I continue to. She’s helped countless people get through hard times, start their own thriving businesses, create soul-filled ceremonies and celebrations, and maybe her biggest achievement? She’s a momma who has raised two beautiful grown up children with her equally amazing husband.
And so. Who am I to put myself under that same label, thinks me. So I fumbled around and came up with happiness coach, soul masseuse, inspiration coach…..to which my mom said, oh. okay. HUH?
And then. A blog piece dropped into my lap that said: When you write, write for the lady on the bus. It’s not that she’s dumb, not at all. But she’s tired. Get to the point.
I wish I could find that piece again, to give that person credit for turning me around. I know everyone’s tired. And so I’ll stop trying to send hidden messages; or causing people to google SOUL MASSEUSE– I won’t fool around, ok? I’ll talk plainly: I still want to be all those things….happiness coach, soul masseuse, inspiration coach…but it goes under the heading of Life Coach. People have heard of that at least, even if they don’t know exactly what that entails.
Hi, I’m Lisa Carr. I’m a daughter, a wife, a mom, a teacher, a writer, and a Life Coach.
I did it.
I said it.
Whew.
Questions you might have:
Are you qualified for this? Did you get a certification? Yes. No. Let me explain:
Is this gonna get weird? Yes. Let me explain: Let me explain more: Some of the places we will go, may very well be completely new to you. Not sacrificing-animals-new (please laugh right here or this will be super DUPER weird, and not in the good way), but new to you, nonetheless. Things that will probably come up: Meditation, of all kinds, and yes it may include chanting. Journaling, visualization, EFT tapping, affirmations, vision boards, yoga (as in the body movement, and not just the pants-both of which I highly recommend), and tears. Yep. Get comfortable with them, feeling them sliding down your cheeks, watching others wipe them away. Be prepared for REAL, a common side effect of watching yourself or others connect to their own soul and sense of wonder. If you’ve been living in a margarine life, where everyone is JUST FINE or oh my GOSH so BUSY….it’s ok. But get ready for the taste of real butter, ok? What it’s not: wallowing, 70’s group therapy where we wear our wounds like badges, strange vibes, and we will not be singing Kumbaya . Well, probably not. No promises there. I think we can all agree, it’s a good song.
Will I get anything out of this? A resounding YES. Or not. Let me explain: If you walk in with an open mind and heart, I can guarantee that you will get your money’s worth…and more. If you walk in, with arms crossed in front of you, waiting to be convinced, or with your guard UP…you will probably leave with the same stuff you walked in with. Make sense?
What if I just don’t want a group experience? I hear ya. We aren’t all wired the same. With that being said, I would love you to give this a try. And with THAT being said, I’m also totally cool with individual coaching, and will be offering that also. I find one on one coaching to be an amazing way to work intensively on your personal goals and dreams.
Is this religious? No. Here’s the thing.
If you have followed my blog writing for the past 6 years or so, you know that I’m passionate about spiritual growth and development. I spend more money on these books, online classes, and programs than I do on shoes, people. I’ve been on a quest, one I will be on for the rest of my days here on Earth School: How to Live a Good LIFE. One where I give what I was made to come give. One where I enjoy all the goodness the original Artist, the mystery we call God, made for me. One where I learn to love all of the people in my world with no agenda, or expectation, just pure, open LOVE. This isn’t about religion. This is about love, and it matters not what you call God. You can call it LIFE, or UNIVERSE….or whatever. Really. You hearing me here? This is about no judgment, or categories. It’s about women, coming together, to honor that still, small voice inside of themselves that has grown tired of the shallows, and longs for the deepest depths of the ocean.
Massage used to be something that rich people did because they had money to burn and time to waste. It was a luxury, like Aspen ski vacations, pomegranates, and Range Rovers. But times, they are a changing, and this is a lovely thing.
Today, massage is being used as therapy-in fact, many insurance companies will even cover them as part of an overall wellness plan. When you put that word, wellness into the mix, massages are catapulted from the world of luxury into necessity -like going to the dentist and getting prostrate exams.
Need more convincing? Try these facts on for size: Patients receiving therapeutic massage have measureable decreases in stress hormones in their body-like cortisol. They experience increases in the feel good hormones, such as oxytocin and serotonin. Their immune systems get stronger. Let me say that again: their immune systems get stronger.
So, you may be wondering where I’m going with this. Do you live in or near Dell Rapids, South Dakota? If you do, I have just the place for you. If you don’t, you’re out of luck. Just kidding! I’m going to show you A Touch For Wellness, operated by Karen Kappel, and all it has to offer. Look carefully, because even if you are not within driving distance, you can get some idea of what a great Wellness Center should look like.
A good wellness center has many amenities and services that allow for choices and individualization. A Touch For Wellness, by Karen has a whole bunch of things that will totally bliss you out and help you to lay a foundation for your best health. So are you ready to chill out?
This is an infrared sauna, in technical terms. Lisa slang? The hotbox. Personally, I go to Karen’s sauna at least 5 times a week. I mediate, pray, listen to music, and feel like a million dollars for the rest of the day.
You can definitely chill outin this beautiful piece of equipment, but you will not be chilly. Oh no. The whole point of it, is to actually raise your body temperature and make you sweat. Here’s why:
Infrared saunas increase metabolism –folks have been known to burn up to 600 calories in one session. Do you often have cold hands and feet? This could be due to low thyroid, and regular sauna sessions will help support a healthy thyroid.
Improves Insulin Sensitivity-this is something people who regularly monitor their blood sugars report. Lauren, from Empowered Sustenancereports: Four months after I began taking regular saunas, without changing my diet or exercise, my high morning blood normalized. On my last blood test, my insulin levels were no longer considered high. I credit my sauna for supporting my blood sugar when it didn’t adequately respond to diet, lifestyle, and supplements
Supports immune response to bacterial and fungal infections: So, have you ever heard of candida? Guys? It’s bad. That’s all I can say, and many unsuspecting folks have it, due largely to eating bread, and other yeasty things over time. More about that HERE.
Supports chronic pain and muscle flexibility: this one is pretty self-explanatory, but I would like to add: Fibromyalgia is a condition affecting many woman these days, and there are quite a few who would raise their hands emphatically and say, “I love my infrared sauna!” Why the sauna helps, is largely because it works to decrease inflammation, a huge cause of the pain people experience not only with fibromyalgia, but also arthritis.
Normalizes blood pressure: The increased blood flow leads to better circulation, and also, better heart health. Read more about this HERE
So now that you KNOW you have to sauna, on a regular basis, the good news is that you can do it for $25 a month- unlimited, as much as your cold little feet desire. Work a lot of hours, and unsure how to schedule it? A Touch For Wellness is open 24/7, even on Christmas morning ( I know, I was there )…and all you need is a FOB that you can purchase for $25-that little guy gets you in quicker than a bouncer lets Beyoncé into the club. Are you thinking this is a deal? Well you would be right. Some perspective: 3 Degrees in Sioux Falls, an infrared Sauna studio will give you an unlimited week pass (only for new members) for $49. And it goes up from there, if you wish to continue. Are you thinking Karen rocks? Ya, me, too. Aren’t we lucky???
Speaking of Karen, should we meet her? And also, the newest addition to A Touch For Wellness, Rose, who will be appearing on Thursdays and making you feel like a wet noodle, or like you’ve just been to paradise.
Rose and Karen, standing in front of the essential oil tree. You can almost smell the lavender and lemon from here. Ahhhhh!!!
These two are the masters of massage-remember how we were chatting earlier about massage being seen as therapeutic? I sat down with both of them, to hear their thoughts on their mission they have with the work they do. While you can absolutely choose to come in for a relaxing massage, that is gentle and soothing, therapeutic massage is something totally different. These women seek to find tight spots, bound fascia in your body, knots, and anything that isn’t “running smoothly” in your body, and then through healing essential oils, smooth, heated stones, and strong hands, they work to return those parts to their happiest, healthiest state. The effect is amazing-less pain, less stress, better blood flow and circulation, and overall better health. You may be a person who says, “Hey! This time I’d like the Raindrop Massage(a light massage done with essential oils), and next time I’d like a therapeutic massage with Hot Stones!” Alternating is a great idea, if you want to have a little SPA with your total body Health Work.
Rose, using her magic hands! She likes to incorporate a special form of massage, called Tui Na Gua Sha.Rose uses a jade stone to perform a gentle massage that promotes an overall sense of well being.
The rooms are warm, tranquil and cozy, filled with relaxing music and lovely essential oils.
Remember the Olympian Michael Phelps? Rose also does a procedure called, CUPPING, decreasing inflammation in the body, increasing mobility, blood circulation, and even relieving anxiety and depression. Cost: $35. (I’ll bet you dollars to donuts, Michael paid much more for his-and I doubt his masseuse was as sweet and lovely as Rose!)
Prices vary anywhere from $75-$125, depending on intensity and length of time.
Other features and amenities:
This is a biomat on the left. This mat uses a combination of fabrics and amethyst stones to generate far infrared rays which is then transferred to the body as heat. It provides warmth and relaxation similar to the energy that radiates from the sun. These rays not only benefit muscles on the surface of the body, but all cells in the deepest parts of the body. It’s not unusual to spend some time relaxing on this mat before Karen or Rose start your massage. To use on your own, the cost is $15 per 30 minute session. On the right, is an inversion table, which also can be used for only $15. It turns out, our bodies really like to get UPSIDE DOWN. Who knew? For more info on this, talk to Karen or Rose!
This is a High Intensity Tanning bed, which can only be used twice a week (for your health).
High intensity beds work just as their low intensity counterparts — by using UV lights to stimulate the melanin in our skin, causing a tanning reaction. They are not only just as safe as low-pressure, but because they take less time, they actually result in less exposure and are better for your skin, all while often delivering greater results. Lisa’s note: Does Winter get you down? Not surprising. The sunshine in South Dakota during the winter is a direct match to ALASKA, which isn’t very much. Check with your insurance company, because many are starting to cover the cost of “tanning”, or in my case, I like to call it –not hating everyone in the winter. Cost $25 for eight sessions.
Does A Touch of Wellnessserve lunch? Uhhhh….NO, my friends. This is a foot detox. (For lunch, try out Ladelle and Fourth coffee shop!) Sorry if I grossed you out!! But as the saying goes, Better OUT than IN!
Foot detoxing is the newest and coolest way of detoxing all the stuff in your body that doesn’t belong. It’s soothing, relaxing, and absolutely effective. Want some background on this procedure? Talk to Karen, and hear about her own experiences with Foot Detox and how she really gained back so much of her energy and vitality in the process. Cost: $35
Well, dear reader, I think I’ve covered everything. Do you live in Dell Rapids, or near here? Here’s how to find Karen and Rose at A Touch for Wellness: 507 N. HWY 77 SUITE D 428-4870
She’s smack dab in between Harrington Chiropracticand Video Plus! See you there, and tell them Lisa sent you!♥
I read an article a few days ago that was absolutely BRILLIANT. Now, as you’ll come to see, I don’t happen to agree with 90% of what the writer is suggesting, but it was FABULOUS, because often I don’t have occasion to set intentions. Until I saw this laundry list of philosophies, I hadn’t really stopped to consider my own. Like the normal human parent, I just sort of DO parenting, according to a deep philosophy that is playing in the depths of my soul, sort of like background music at a Johnny Carinos. Like Tom Cruise, I needed to see a system that someone proposed that didn’t sit well with me, in order for me to write a mission statement for parenting. At least for parenting my three kids.
If you know me well, you know I struggle with order. I know exactly what I think and why I think it, but to present that to someone who is a logical thinker, can leave said smarty pants completely muddled and frustrated.
Me: Husband, dairy is bad. I’ve been reading up a LOT on this subject. I’m very concerned about all the DAIRY.
Husband: But why exactly? What’s so bad about it?
Me: Lots of things. Just trust me. Extra snot. Inflammation. Baaaaad stuff.
Husband:Can you give me some facts?
Me: No, well, YES, but I’d have to go look them up, and can’t you just take me at my word?
Husband: No.
Me: You are so logical.
Husband: It’s like you are accusing me of something.
Me: ….if the shoe fits mister.
Some people, huh?
But, for the purpose of the Mission Statement, I will throw my gypsy soul to the side for a moment, and tell you what I’m thinking, and I will back it up with solid reasons WHY I think it. And furthermore, members of the jury, I will prove my case and …oh wait. So, I probably need to take it down a notch. When you aren’t used to being logical, it’s easy to get carried away.
This is the portion of the piece where I let you have the option of reading the article in its entirety. Completely up to you-I’ll warn you-it’s fancy. If you go to this website, you may be pulled in. It’s like my place is a cute two bedroom downtown, and HER place is a sprawling mansion in the country. Please don’t get lost. But do feel free to ooohhhh and awwwww. I would never deny you that. The author is very authory and apparently has written some books. Impressive, and I really do not intend any sarcasm here. Here you are, since you seem to be insisting.
Let’s dive in. Eight things that the author suggests we parents STOP doing for our teens:
Waking them up in the morning
Making their breakfast and packing their lunch
Filling out their paperwork
Delivering their forgotten items
Making their failure to plan your emergency
Doing all of their laundry
Emailing and calling their teachers and coaches
Meddling in their academics
1.Waking the teens up: I love waking up my children. My mom always woke me up. She was the first voice of cheerfulness and HOPE I heard in the morning. She often rubbed my back a bit, and started chattering away about everything under the sun. As a teen, I forgot to tell her how much this really helped me to get a jump on my day; instead I most likely groaned and carried on a bit. I do this for my children. Could they get themselves up if they needed to? Of course. About twice a week, I’ll be toodling around the kitchen with my coffee, and be shocked to see a kid coming out of their room fully dressed and ready to go. I’ll be like, whooa! where’s the fire? and they’ll be like, Got a project today-love you! Byyyeee! And so. I feel a bit cheated on these days, since my favorite thing ever is to turn the tables on my children after years of them waking me up. I’m just saying, if this is causing you to think about you and your own teens, or kids about to be teens, maybe establish that they CAN do it. My favorite way of doing this is to be a tad disorganized. Forget a few times. Be super involved in writing a blog and completely forget to wake them up. This will be hard for some of you totally organized parents. If you need some tips on being bit more discombobulated- I can help you there.
Hey. It’s harder than it looks. Bring a notebook. Or DON’T, if you really want to embrace LISA STYLE.
My point: I get them under my roof for 18 years. Maybe more during breaks in the college years– if I’m lucky, and soon enough they will be waking up to their day on their own-with no corny jokes, or singing or back rubs. It’s the smallest of things, really, but I hope they will remember that mornings are a good thing, and the best way to start them is to do it with a smile, surrounded by people who really love you no matter if your breath smells horrible and your hair is worthy of laughter and pointing.
2. Making their breakfast and packing their lunches. Now, here’s the situation in our house: one teen has decided that he feels a bunch better if he does NOT eat breakfast (gasp) and that gave me some serious stress, until I read an article about intermittent fasting. And then I looked at my hunky, totally in shape boy, and realized he was listening to his body, and supported him in his no breakfast ways. The other teen, does eat some breakfast. Some days, I’m preoccupied with my 10-year-old or Facebook, and she makes her own. Other days, I’ll say, Hey honey! Can I get you something for breakfast today? And she will sometimes take me up on it gratefully. I love this. I love putting a whole bunch of love into her breakfast. I remember that high school can be challenging. I can recall the stress, and I enjoy imagining that good food sparkling away in her body at least until lunch. It’s a kindness that I hope will carry her far into the day. Lunches: I have to claim Not Applicable here, since both my kids eat school lunch. However, I really feel the same way about THAT. It reminds me of one of my good friends, who made the same lunch for her teen for all four years of High School. When asked what he wanted for his graduation party, he said, “Mom? Can we have THE lunch you always made for me?” And she did it very cool and themey, down to the last detail. COOL. Right? And that boy won’t ever forget any of that. Maybe he will decide that someday, when he has kids, he will make them their very own special lunches, too.
3. Filling out their paperwork: I never filled out any paperwork as a teen. And yet? I seem to have filled every bit of paperwork out successfully as any other adult, even our passports, which were trickier than tricky. I put this particular thing in the category of potty training. I worried and worried and WORRIED that we would have the last children on the block to be out of diapers. Until my husband said, “Lis. Seriously. Do you really think we are gonna have 12 year-olds walking around in diapers? Whether they are using the potty at 12 months, or 15, who cares?” I think it’s totally fine to involve them, but to me, this is putting up a gate where there’s no need for a gate.
4. Delivering their forgotten items: Well, we’ve reached the BIGGIE. This is a huge one. You may not agree with me. It’s ok. On paper, this looks really reasonable. It seems to make a lot of sense. But remember, I’m often not wired that way. I do tend to FEEL things first. So, here’s my thoughts: When I forgot stuff as a little kid, I knew I was screwed. My Mom was working her tush off. She could no more of ran something to school, than flew to the moon. I forgot stuff, some big stuff sometimes. And I had no one to rescue me. I still forget stuff. I’m a constant work in progress in this area of my life, and I suppose my friends and family shouldn’t help me at the ripe old age of 45 to “teach me a lesson”. But man, I’m sure glad they DO. I have been so immensely grateful for this so many times in my life. When my kids forget something, I help them….because I can. I made a decision to stay home these years for a bit, because in short, I have 4 family members who are all REALLY BUSY. In a house where everyone is running, I like to stand still. My very responsible business-running-veterinarian husband knows, that if he forgets something at work 25 miles away, I am here, and able to help. My children know, I am here. I can help. I won’t tell you that we aren’t constantly helping them to remember and plan.
This is a text example the author of the article included. Obviously, she loves her kids, and is very kind. And to be fair, I do not know the circumstances under which she couldn’t bring the homework. I’m not suggesting parents leave work to bring homework to school.
We are constantly helping them with this, because, well, we are their PARENTS. It feels like the right thing to do. If I were working, and couldn’t get away from work, like I was a year ago-if they sent me a text like the one the author used as an example, I would have had to say, “Sorry Charlie! I can’t!” …..but I absolutely will not get this text, while at home doing laundry, and say no, for no’ssake. If I did, when I text my child, Helllpppp!!! can you get Quinn from school? I’m in the city and wasn’t watching the time!!!…I guess I wouldn’t be surprised if they said, sorry mom. no. you need to learn to be more responsible. In this house, we love and support each other. The world is straight up crazy, my friends. We gotta stick together. As I write this, my son is running through the house looking for a fish food container. His sister has asked him to get her some more, otherwise Wanda won’t eat tonight.(Ya, she has a Fish called Wanda. My kids seriously rock. ) He’s happy to do it for her. This is how we roll.
5. Making their failure to plan YOUR emergency: Well, this is a bit like the previous thing. I won’t say much, other than this: how do you want to be treated when you screw up? how do you want your CHILD to treat others when they screw up? If we can help our children because they made an honest mistake, we will. Period.
6. Doing all of their laundry: my kids do not complain about their laundry. They may have a special request, and I do try to honor that, if I can. They can do laundry, because I’ve asked them to every so often. Will they do their laundry as adults? I hope so. Otherwise I suppose they could consider a nudist colony. At which I won’t be able to visit them, but that’s neither here nor there. I do like clothes. Thank God for clothes.
7. Emailing and calling their teachers and coaches: Can parents get too involved here? Yes. Oh YES. I have a husband who is a coach. I’m very aware. However. There are times when it’s needed. Why? Well, because they are kids. It does take a village, and as a schoolteacher myself in a previous lifetime, I can tell you, there’s much to be gained by conversation. On both ends. I guess the thing I continue to ask myself while reading the article this post is about, is why do these kids have parents? why are we here? to help, is my answer. When my children are in college, I certainly won’t have access to their teachers. I do right now. And everything I do, is for them to be successful when they are NOT under our roof. To treat them like they are ALREADY, I believe, is doing them a great disservice.
My own mother remembers being on her own at the age of 16, because she graduated early, and was given the opportunity to play professional basketball in the big city far away. Her parents dropped her off, and she had to figure everything out on her own. Did she? Yes. She is fierce and independent. Do you know what she says about that whole thing? I felt very alone. I felt like my parents didn’t care. I vowed to never be that kind of parent. And she is 82, an age that generally adds a lot of soft focus to one’s past life. And she wasn’t that kind of parent. All of us girls know that we have a strong home base-one we’ve had to each call on at points in our lives. We are so loved and cared for. And home feels so safe, even though we can’t physically be there nearly as much as we like–but because it’s there? We can fly strong in this world. (Note: For the record, my grandparents were amazing folks in many aspects as parents, and doing the best knew how to do.)
8. Meddling in their academics: So, this is a quote from the article: These apps and websites, where parents can go in and see every detail of children’s school grades and homework, are not helping our overparenting epidemic. So, I gotta say again: But wait. Now is the time to be involved, because as I’m finding out, these kids are about to fly the coop. If we aren’t involved NOW, I have a feeling we may have to be very involved later. When it’s not appropriate to be. You get me? Children are all different. I have one kid who naturally handles this on her own. I have another who has more of my genetics, poor thing. Did I need help organizing assignments and classes? YEP. And so does this one. It’s ok. Now is when we teach them, so that when it’s not appropriate (college, work, or Christmas at their in-law’s)…they will know what to do. Or not do. I love our school’s Parent Portal. This is how we, as parents, can ask detailed questions to our child who may not have any clue as to why their grades aren’t what they wish them to be. We can be their guide, who, like my husband just did last night, helps them to figure out exactly what might be going on. In this case? It was note taking. My super organized husband gave a very inspiring 15 minute talk on the value of really good notes. I was impressed. As it applies here, we used the tool of Parent Portal to help bridge the communication gap.
We have 18 intense years with these loves of my life. What do I want their TAKE AWAY to be? Because, honestly, 18 years out of 100, isn’t much. It’s .18 to be exact. That’s a short time for them and we need to pack A LOT of love and kindness into that space of time–is my thinking. It will have to last .82. Eight things I want my kids to KNOW and FEEL as they leave our little safe home and go out into the wide world:
We’ve got your back, if at all possible. Always, even if you sort of don’t deserve it, because you were busy being distracted kids. You won’t always be.
We are kind to each other. The world teaches some pretty tough lessons. We don’t need to manufacture any.
We are thoughtful, and giving… for no reason at all.
We take our children very seriously, as if they were are only real job, because actually, you guys are. If we fail at this, nothing we succeed at will matter.
Home is always here. Always. If you can’t be home, you can remember that a huge source of love lives here and you are always connected to it.
When you were a kid, we let you be a kid. We know and trust that you aren’t wearing adult diapers. (if you ARE, though, let’s look at DAIRY. You know how I feel about dairy.)
We will treat you the way we wish to be treated near the end of our days..with patience and more patience and not consequences like lifelong tomato soup for losing our false teeth.
We are your guides, who are trying our very best. If we weren’t hard enough on you, I’m sorry. If we were too hard on you, I’m sorry, too. We have very little figured out, except we love you more than life itself, and you are our best mission statement.
In the end, we all must decide for ourselves. We must do what is right in our hearts. I worry, sometimes, that articles like this one may make people go outside of their own hearts. I think now, how I read all of these books when my kids were young-how worried I was that if I gave them a pacifier for two seconds, someday we would have a big battle getting them AWAY from them. And so I rigidly said NO PACIES!! And then I just nursed them until they ate so much they would throw up and be instantly and genuinely hungry again, except I had the little problem of having no more milk and so we would take turns holding them while they screamed their little heads off for the evening. It made for a super sexy Saturday night. By my 3rd kid, I decided a pacifier might be ok. Oh sweet fancy francis. If only I had done that with the other ones, but it’s sort of how it goes, right? I rigidly made them “cry it out” because the books scared the hell out of me: They will be serial NON-SLEEPERS!!! I’m here to tell you, I regret that so much. And I think I will, until my dying day. Did it kill them? Nah. Of course not. Did I parent against my heart? I did. And I wish I could go back and tell my younger self not to worry so much. To just love and love and LOVE those babies up, and know that someday they will sleep like champs. Like it’s their one and only job. Stop the freak out momma. I wish I could say, Just stay in today, and stop projecting worries into the future. Today, just love, and guide. Guide, and love. Be a model of kindness and grace, forgiveness and patience. Because, someday sweet Lisa, these beautiful children will be beautiful adults, who would move heaven and earth to help you when you forget how to make the dishwasher work, or forget to pay the bills, or get arrested in Mexico.
I’ll leave you with one of my favorite Momma-writers, Glennon Melton Doyle:
Note: You very well may not agree with this post. Which is completely ok! If it causes you to be SO INSPIRED, as I was for the post that inspired MINE, please feel free to cite my blog post in you OWN blog post. Write your own mission statement. Good writing causes us to feel all sorts of feelings and think all kinds of big thoughts. I am extremely grateful for the author who did that for me, here. She is a thoughtful parent, KICKASS writer, and I’m truly grateful for her providing me with this great jumping off point. ♥
It seems like this subject has been done before. And it probably has. In fact, I’m probably just plagiarizing someone else’s words, accidentally. I wonder how often that happens, you know? Read read read….where does it all go? I think it must stick somewhere in the back of a person’s brain, and then just sliiiiiiidddddeeeees into the frontal lobe over time, causing the person to think, AHA! I have a new idea! or, ahhhh the cleverness of ME!
Anyway.
My new, (probably old and overdone) idea is this: Let’s just change a two letter word, to a THREE letter word, and watch what a huge difference it makes in how we view the world, and ourselves in it. Take a little look-see at these sentences and feel how each makes you react.
Life happens to me.
Life happens for me.
They come off really differently, don’t they? When something happens TO you, it feels a little bad, you know?…… The vision I get is something coming AT someone. Like a pie in the face. Or a cartoon character getting an anvil to the head. It also feels very powerless, right? When things happen TO you, it implies that you have very little to say about the whole thing. However. When something happens FOR you….it implies something very different. When I envision this, I see someone holding their hands out, palms up…RECEIVING a wonderful pie. (of course it would be coconut cream, because that’s what ALL the good pies ARE.) When something is FOR someone, it reads almost like a gift. A gift to be used by the recipient. There’s power in that, I think.
So, here’s some examples-big and small- of changing a thing from a TO to a FOR.
MAN!!! I can’t believe I didn’t get that job! I rocked the interview. I’m super over qualified. How could this happen to me?! -Lisa Heggen Carr
So let’s change that last part to….How could this happen FORme? If young Lisa, who thought she knew EVERYTHING, would have changed that last part into a FOR, she may have opened her mind a little quicker to the possibility that this was not the job she was meant to have. She would’ve sulked a whole lot less and eaten way fewer bad carbs, and let’s just say we would’ve saved her a good two weeks of sucking in the lowest vibes available –meaning that just in that two-week period of time, she managed to back into a pair of dumpsters with her small little vehicle (yes both), stub her toe so hard it probably was broken, but toes aren’t important (or so she was told), unless you are trying to walk around, and have a major disagreement with her normally lovely neighbor over lawn watering during sunlight hours. If older and wiser Lisa could have intervened, she would have said, Just wait. Something is on its way. And of course it was! It was the job that would end up changing her entire future and ultimately would give her: 1. A whole new perspective on the world due to magical and amazing children and their parents 2. Her best friend who loves her always and forever and would move heaven and earth for her, . ..and, OH YEAH… three beautiful children who would not exist otherwise. (that was a long time to refer to myself in third person. Yikes.)
Yes. Something much bigger and better was on its way, and me not getting that job was the best thing for me. The BEST.
I missed my plane. –350 passengers on 9/11 including Mark Wahlberg, Julia Child and Robert Redford
My train is delayed from Manchester to London. ARGH!! Why is this happening to me? I can barely make ends meet for my little girl, living on state aid, my marriage is over, my mum just died–Wait. Maybe this is happening FOR me. Living in this dead space of boredom, and where nothing could possibly get any worse, I’m getting some ideas to write a book called Harry Potter. These ideas are literally flooding me right now!!! I think I’ll write them down! –JK Rowling (Note: this is not a direct quote from Jo…I’m invoking a little creative license here.)
I didn’t make the team, and my best friend DID. -Michael Jordan
After going home and locking himself in his room, he cried. Then he picked himself up and turned the cut into motivation. “Whenever I was working out and got tired and figured I ought to stop, I’d close my eyes and see that list in the locker room without my name on it. That usually got me going again.”
I could go on. I mean it. On and on and on- with famous people, normal people, and every kind of person in between. Wonderful things happened to them, but they chose to see that they were FOR them. As I see it, the trick is to see the gift when it comes, no matter how it may be disguised. I’m working on my quickness. It’s like trying to figure out how to get up really fast when you’re roller skating so you don’t get rolled over.
I’ll leave you with one of my favorite love warriors, whose commitment to showing up with her hands out to receive all that life has given, and to take it and make it something amazing, inspires me on the daily. Love to you all♥
My wrist. I have made so many mistakes. I’ve hurt myself and others. I’ve been hurt. I’ve been the left and the leaving. I’ve had some lost years. I drank many of my days away. I didn’t show up. I was left hanging. I’ve lied and been lied to. I’ve been lost, so lost. I’ve survived a bunch of winters but the one coming up still scares me. All of these things are true. And yet. I’m still here. Wi…th joy in my heart. With stupid hope that’s not snuffed out. With optimism in spite of all that will most certainly go wrong. With a flicker of gratitude that just won’t dim. With another day, another beat.
For the strugglers and the fallers and the bruised up and worn down. For the ones who are so sick of themselves and sick of trying to be different. For the lonely and the too messed up to love. For the ones who still can’t get it right and aren’t even sure what right means, anyway. For the mamas who are just trying to survive the night and the sisters who are on another Day 1. For my people — my favorite, beautiful, fucked up people — we are all these things. And yet. We are. Still. Here.
One day, I got really brave, and read this book all the way to the end. The first time I tried, I got super nervous, because Katie was saying all sorts of crazy things like, It’s not your job to like me, that’s my job. And I was like, seriously lady? Really? 
And so. There it is, my darlings. I must tell you how very painful this was for me, to only pick FIVE. 
Let me explain more: Some of the places we will go, may very well be completely new to you. Not sacrificing-animals-new (please laugh right here or this will be super DUPER weird, and not in the good way), but new to you, nonetheless. Things that will probably come up: Meditation, of all kinds, and yes it may include chanting. Journaling, visualization, EFT tapping, affirmations, vision boards, yoga (as in the body movement, and not just the pants-both of which I highly recommend), and tears. Yep. Get comfortable with them, feeling them sliding down your cheeks, watching others wipe them away. Be prepared for REAL, a common side effect of watching yourself or others connect to their own soul and sense of wonder. If you’ve been living in a margarine life, where everyone is JUST FINE or oh my GOSH so BUSY….it’s ok. But get ready for the taste of real butter, ok? What it’s not: wallowing, 70’s group therapy where we wear our wounds like badges, strange vibes, and we will not be singing Kumbaya . Well, probably not. No promises there. I think we can all agree, it’s a good song. 
If you walk in with an open mind and heart, I can guarantee that you will get your money’s worth…and more. If you walk in, with arms crossed in front of you, waiting to be convinced, or with your guard UP…you will probably leave with the same stuff you walked in with. Make sense?
Carr party of five 