Welcome to my silly life readers. You may be wondering why I am choosing to write about a subject that will most likely trick over 1/2 my readers into thinking at first glance I am writing about someone’s CROTCH.
No no no. That’s not until the next post. Psh. Silly readers.
I have a story to tell, and I promise it does have a point other than making you blush and tee hee like a school girl.
My tale begins on a normal warm summery day when I picked up the Firstborn from Basketball Practice. She was working with her coach one-on-one, which was a new thing for her, as is the whole sport of Basketball. I was anxious to find out how practice went for her, and drilled her with a tirade of ….Did you…..Did he have you….Did you start to get the hang of….. She answered none of my queries, but after a minute matter of factly informed me that the biggest thing she and Coach worked on was….
Her Athletic Crouch.
Erggh….what did you say? I barely managed to squeak out after choking on my juicy sugarless gum. I’ll just be real here. There’s something about that little phrase that just sounds WRONG. (Is it the Crouching Dragon Hidden Penis* reference from the movie Old School?)…. or the whole crouch/crotch similarity of words thing? Either way, the phrase startled me. Not to mention that my daughter was in this practice for a FULL HOUR…and that’s ALL they worked on? And it’s these times where Lady Gaga’s Poker face would come in quite useful.
It turns out, that one’s athletic crouch, or as some people like to call it, “The Ready Position” is very important, and what it refers to, is the stance that you take on the court, field, or drive up lane to MickeyDees. Comfortable crouch, up on the balls of your feet so you can move in any direction; glove down (if playing softball/baseball) and ready to field the ball; eyes focused on the ball. Firsty girl demonstrated for me, to give me an idea, and HER Athletic Crouch…looked..well, athletic. When she demonstrated, it made me think she was ready for 1, 2, or even 10 basketballs to come her way, at which she would catch them and fire them into the basket in less than 2 seconds flat.
I won’t even try to tell you what MY athletic crouch looks like. Oh fine. I will. It looks like a cross between a little old lady that really needs to go tinkle…and a warrior that has just been wounded in battle, and is doing that weird frozen in time thing they do in movies right before they snuff it.
Giggle, guffaw, snort…go ahead. But come back. I have some profound thoughts.
I got to thinking about the whole crouching thing, and the way it applies to life. You know me, always trying to see the big picture and play amateur life coach to anyone that is just too cheap to hire a real one. But here’s what I came to: We all need to be working on our Athletic Crouch, or Ready Position (for all the wimps in the world who are too afraid of the word
crotchcrouch) In the sports world, if you are just standing straight up and down…it takes valuable seconds you don’t have in a game….to get into position and do whatever it is you are supposed to be doing with the basketball. Same thing in Softball, Football, Wrestling, and Rugby. (I admit I know NOTHING about Rugby. This is my attempt to be global and fair)
And so it goes that the same principle could be applied in life.
Lisa’s Athletic Crouch ….and stop laughing, it has nothing to do with CROUCHING.
Sleep. And lots of it. I transform into a Mommy brandishing wire coat hangers if I get less than I need.
Good non-junky food. Aside from causing a few mini Mount St. Helen size pimples to erupt from my face, crappy food makes me feel…well, CRAPPY.
Exercise that makes me sweat. I have a dirt road. I pour all the yuck from my day onto that road and let it dissolve into the nothingness from whence it came. As I’ve divulged before, I talk out loud, to the corn, and the occasional squirrel. I talk to God, I lay everything that is too heavy at his/her feet, and it’s magic. It is by far my most useful workout, that doesn’t just tone my buns and thighs. ( I just said “buns and thighs” in my Saturday Night Live Russian skit voice).
I gotta do what I love, for at least a few minutes a day. Even if it means spending a few minutes writing a mini-story about a funny happening or inspired revelation on Facebook. (Yes. That ole rag). I do prefer WordPress, but can’t always commit to the hours that seem to get sucked away when I set a toe onto my reader and peek at all my awesome writing friends.
THAT is what my Athletic Crouch looks like. It’s nothing too fancy, but it has me wondering….what does YOUR athletic crouch look like?
*Didn’t see that PENIS reference comin, did ya? That’s just me…keepin YOU….in your ATHLETIC CROUCH.