Get in your Athletic Crouch!

Welcome to my silly life readers.  You may be wondering why I am choosing to write about a subject that will most likely trick over 1/2 my readers into thinking at first glance I am writing about someone’s CROTCH.

No no no. That’s not until the next post. Psh. Silly readers.

I have a story to tell, and I promise it does have a point other than making you blush and tee hee like a school girl.

My tale begins on a normal warm summery day when I picked up the Firstborn from Basketball Practice. She was working with her coach one-on-one, which was a new thing for her, as is the whole sport of Basketball.  I was anxious to find out how practice went for her, and drilled her with a tirade of ….Did you…..Did he have you….Did you start to get the hang of….. She answered none of my queries, but after a minute matter of factly informed me that the biggest thing she and Coach worked on was….

Her Athletic Crouch.

This is a PERFECT crouch. I could say more. But I won’t.

Erggh….what did you say? I barely managed to squeak out after choking on my juicy sugarless gum. I’ll just be real here.  There’s something about that little phrase that  just sounds WRONG. (Is it the Crouching Dragon Hidden Penis* reference from the movie Old School?)…. or the whole crouch/crotch similarity of words thing? Either way, the phrase startled me.  Not to mention that my daughter was in this practice for a FULL HOUR…and that’s ALL they worked on? And it’s these times where Lady Gaga’s Poker face would come in quite useful.

One of my favorite scenes from Old School. This movie is like number 5 on my list of funniest movies EVER.

It turns out, that one’s athletic crouch, or as some people like to call it, “The Ready Position” is very important, and what it refers to, is the stance that you take on the court, field, or drive up lane to MickeyDees.  Comfortable crouch, up on the balls of your feet so you can move in any direction; glove down (if playing softball/baseball) and ready to field the ball; eyes focused on the ball. Firsty girl demonstrated for me, to give me an idea, and HER  Athletic Crouch…looked..well, athletic. When she demonstrated, it made me think she was ready for 1, 2, or even 10 basketballs to come her way, at which she would catch them and fire them into the basket in less than 2 seconds flat.

Look! Even Katniss Everdeen knows how to crouch…athletically!

I won’t even try to tell you what MY athletic crouch looks like. Oh fine. I will. It looks like a cross between a little old lady that really needs to go tinkle…and a warrior that has just been wounded in battle, and is doing that weird frozen in time thing they do in movies right before they snuff it.

Mama in HER athletic crouch.

Giggle, guffaw, snort…go ahead. But come back. I have some profound thoughts.

I got to thinking about the whole crouching thing, and the way it applies to life. You know me, always trying to see the big picture and play amateur life coach to anyone that is just too cheap to hire a real one. But here’s what I came to: We all need to be working on our Athletic Crouch, or Ready Position (for all the wimps in the world who are too afraid of the word crotchcrouch)  In the sports world, if you are just standing straight up and down…it takes valuable seconds you don’t have in a game….to get into position and do whatever it is you are supposed to be doing with the basketball. Same thing in Softball, Football, Wrestling, and Rugby. (I admit I know NOTHING about Rugby. This is my attempt to be global and fair)

And so it goes that the same principle could be applied in life.

Lisa’s Athletic Crouch ….and stop laughing, it has nothing to do with CROUCHING.

  1. Sleep. And lots of it. I transform into a Mommy brandishing wire coat hangers if I get less than I need.

  2. Good non-junky food. Aside from causing a few mini Mount St. Helen size pimples to erupt from my face, crappy food makes me feel…well, CRAPPY.

  3. Exercise that makes me sweat. I have a dirt road. I pour all the yuck from my day onto that road and let it dissolve into the nothingness from whence it came. As I’ve divulged before, I talk out loud, to the corn, and the occasional squirrel. I talk to God, I lay everything that is too heavy at his/her feet, and it’s magic.  It is by far my most useful workout, that doesn’t just tone my buns and thighs. ( I just said “buns and thighs” in my Saturday Night Live Russian skit voice).

  4. I gotta do what I love, for at least a few minutes a day. Even if it means spending a few minutes writing a mini-story about a funny happening or inspired revelation on Facebook. (Yes. That ole rag). I do prefer WordPress, but can’t always commit to the hours that seem to get sucked away when I set a toe onto my reader and peek at all my awesome writing friends.

THAT is what my Athletic Crouch looks like. It’s nothing too fancy, but it has me wondering….what does YOUR athletic crouch look like?

*Didn’t see that PENIS reference comin, did ya? That’s just me…keepin YOU….in your ATHLETIC CROUCH.


19 thoughts on “Get in your Athletic Crouch!

  1. On the physical plane, Lis, my athletic crouch bears a stunning resemblance to that squirrel. On the practical plane, I take photos of everything that catches my eye as I’m out and about. Those photos are my remembrance and reminders that I AM a perfect expression of Self expressing perfectly. xoxoM

  2. Your number 3 and number 4 are really important to me, too. I also require myself to talk to someone. I live alone and I will be honest, 5-11 can get lonely!

    • Dear La La,
      That is a good thing for me to remember when I wish for a quiet night by myself. There was a time for that…and there will be a time for that again.
      Thanks for the comment!
      Love, lis

  3. You’re like a little Yoda at times, Lis. I love the way you look at life. My crouch gets lower as I get older (smile). I’m a short person (about 5’3″) so I’ve always stood up straight with my shoulders back so the crouching thing doesn’t come natural to me, but as I get older and wiser, I find myself at the ready but try very hard to let go and relax. This also doesn’t come natural to me. I love your form of exercise — that sounds divine. ;).

    • Dear B,
      Only YOU could call me a mini Yoda and make me feel 10 feet tall.
      You are going to laugh, but I have a post brewing where I guess what some of my NON pic bloggers look like. You are one of em.
      Stay tuned my lady.
      Love, LIs

  4. Awesome. (I don’t say that in real life, haha, only when I’m inspired enough and tickled enough when reading a great post!!!)

    I’m getting ready to switch off for the day now, but I’m going to give my athletic crouching stance some good thinking to overnight. Good night, good sleep is number one – totally agree with you!

    And I’ll be dreaming of squirrels brandishing wire hangers probably lol. Great pictures, both of them 😛

  5. I’ve got a pretty good looking crouch…you have to scream ‘Look Alive Look Alive!!” when you are in training … and smack your hands while you are doing it. You can find me screaming this at my daughter in the back yard while training her for softball.
    Sincerely Beulah Ballbricker

  6. That is hysterical, as usual. And Old School may be my #1 funny movie!! What’s funnier? From minute one???? My athletic crouch also comes from sleep, but also from finding a balance between work and family and my own interests. Also from walking the pup…athletic crouches are important, huh?? Great post!

    • Dearest Jenni,
      OK. It may have to go to number 1. I need to think about this one some more. Cuz, what about Christmas Vacation? It is HILARIOUS!!! And what about You, Me, and DUPREE?
      Anyway, love you to pieces. I should have KNOWN you would know this movie!!!!!
      Love, Lis

      • 🙂 Those are some great ones too. I love the neighbors in Christmas vacation. Sometimes I feel like my husband and I are them, although I am not as zen or snooty. 😉

  7. Also soccer 🙂 My partner played goal keeper in soccer when he was young, and I still see him do what I now know is the athletic crouch! There you go. i believe that my crouch is similar to the squirrels…but in the metaphysical way I keep prepared by pretty similar things to you: get 7+ hours sleep, eat well, do yoga or go walking, have some time alone in silence.

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