Look away. I’m hideous.

Dear Readers, I have some really bad news that I need to share. I’ve recently been diagnosed with a Sub-conjunctival Hemmorage. I don’t know how much longer I have, but I do know that the last few moments of my existence, must be spent posting. What’s that quote? “If the Doctor told me I had 6 minutes to live, I would just type faster“?

No, this isn’t MY eye. And it turns out, I’ll live. But this person right here…aside from needing a good waxing of her eyebrows, and not having blue eyes……is my twin right now.

I was diagnosed by my 12-year old daughter. ….”Hellllllpppp!!! Look at my eye!!! What’s happening? I need to sit down!!!”

My daughter, the picture of calm tries her best to be placating and patient, and to not break into gales of laughter at my melodrama…. “Mom. You have a burst blood vessel in your eye. I think you’re gonna make it.”

Really? Oh. Wait.  How do you know this?”

“………..I don’t know…I just do. Now chill out and can you move? Kinda in the middle of something here?” she goes on to say..not unkindly though, as she reaches over,  un-pausing the part in Pretty Little Liars where Spencer is starting to suspect her sister Melissa of being a cold-blooded killer of her best friend, Allison. (I know. Try not to judge. I can’t be a perfect Mom all the time…she and me have bonded over this show, as inappropriate and non-Little House on the Prairie as it may be).

English: This is a the name from Pretty Little...

The main characters of Pretty Little Liars. (F...
The main characters of Pretty Little Liars. (From left) Troian Bellisario as Spencer Hastings, Lucy Hale as Aria Montgomery, Shay Mitchell as Emily Fields, and Ashley Benson as Hanna Marin (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Apart from looking like a blood-craving insomniac straight outta Twilight:

….my eye feels fine. According to my internet research, it will go away. Which is a relief, because I’ve got that close-up for Cosmo next week. (heehee)

So, me being the kind of person that likes to know why things happen went straight to Google. I often wonder how we all survived before that darling search engine existed.  I used to have this nifty calcuator….shaped like an owl. I was convinced that thing coulda told my future if I could have somehow figured out how to decode it in numbers.

Google woulda blown my young little mind.

Apparently, trauma to the eye (which I immediately assumed) is not the number one cause of creepy eye. Know what is?

Constipation.

!!!!!

Yep. And  giving birth ranks right up there, too (having c-sections…it’s pure guesswork here…but both would be under the category of STRAINING…I suppose)….sneezing,  and coughing hard are in the top 5.

None of these things would explain it for me. I’m a good fiber eater, my sneezes are loud but not forceful, and I HAD a little cough…but I took care of it with meditation and occilicocinum.

SO.

Google has not solved the mystery of old bloody eye.

Or HAS it?

At the bottom of their tips section on how to deal with stress in your life, and ways to get more bulky fibers in your diet….was a little recommendation about caffeine.

I guess too much of it can cause your blood vessels to burst like the Fourth of July.

Well, it’s a good thing I’m a tea totaller. It’s a really good thing WordPress lost my Ode to Diet Coke…otherwise no one would ever buy that.

It’s a mystery.

Google.

Psh.

Totally overrated.

🙂

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33 thoughts on “Jeepers Creepers…where’d ya get those peepers

  1. Sorry to hear about your eye!
    I had it happen from trying to stifle sneezes…so I don’t hold back anymore. 🙂
    And I think your daughter is going to be a nurse, she is smart and nothing rattles her!
    Cheers,
    Laura

  2. As Roly stated above, I think I have the bloody eye from laughing too hard! Maybe you could get Damon to stop over to see if your condition is cureable….I am on a Vampire Diaries kick at the moment!

  3. Ouch, Lis! Glad to know everything’s okay. Your captions on your pics were freaking hilarious. What did we do before Google?!! Oh, I don’t maybe went to the library.

    Cut down on that Diet Coke, girl and feel better. xxoo

  4. Yikes! You sure make something that looks freakishly alarming hysterically funny! I used to get that a lot when I was MUCH younger. My doctor (eons ago) recommended more green peppers in my salads – apparently they’ve got vitamin K which helps with capillary health. Here’s lookin’ at you, sweetheart! xoxoM

          1. You reminded me of a funny story that I heard on the radio by one of my favorite local movie critics. He said The Exorcist scared him so much, he drove his car all the way to his doorstep and made sure his key was right side up before he ran to the door. He went directly to bed and pulled the cover up to his eyes. :>)

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