Eat, Cheat, Love

I’m a wanna be meditator. Have been for a long time, even before I read Eat, Pray, Love…a book that will convince you if nothing else will, to get into the practice of meditation.

I mean look what happened! The woman ended up having more sex than Hugh Hefner, generated money out of thin air, and ate the whole country of Italy without having to resort to clothes shopping at the local  Tent and Awning…. ALL of this from sitting cross-legged, in complete stillness and resisting the temptation to swat at flies on her face.

I’ve tried it. Over and over again. In case you are curious….I would be the guy on the LEFT. The longer I sit still….the  more I say…”For the love of Pete…shut UP!”….the more my brain talks back: “What? I got stuff to say!” How do you think of NOTHING?

HOW?!

I would seriously love to know.  I’m not ready to sit cross-legged in my backyard with bugs flying around yet…so I’ve been doing Deepak Chopra’s guided mediations from the comfort of my soft couch.

I read somewhere that this is totally cheating, which cracks me up. I’ve cheated on tests, taxes, and diets….may as well add Meditation to the list, right?

I guess because Deepak is talking, and I’m listening to his voice….letting it distract me from my tornado of disconnected thoughts…that it’s not the same thing as quieting your mind without anyone else’s help. The goal, is to make thoughts like….”I wonder if that shirt is still on sale at Banana Republic” or “I should really cut back on Diet Coke…my right hand is shaking” or…”Did I brush my teeth this morning?” go away.

By YOURSELF.

Seems hardcore.

I can’t do it yet. Oh well, so I need to meditate with training wheels on for a while…or maybe even forever. I’m cool with that, and here’s why: My days always go better when I chill out on my couch and listen to Deepak for 5 minutes. FIVE. That’s all it takes. My soul seems to do a happy dance from just a tiny break from tangled, sometimes stressful thoughts. Who cares if I’m cheating? Sometimes it’s the only way to get the job done…..kinda like the way Katie Holmes pulled a fast one on Tom Cruise (the weirdo).

Anyhow, if you’re so inclined to join the world of Back Alley Meditation, I’ve included Deepak’s heart meditation….I have others….but this one seems to do the trick every time. Eat, Cheat, Love!