Being married to a vampire sucks

So, if you’ve clicked on one of my fun little pages, you know that I compare my husband to Edward Cullen. You mighta heard of him? from Twilight?  Some hold the opinion that this is a delightful book/movie series dedicated to all the young teenybopper girls out there that go gaga over gorgeous young boys that take their shirts off, turn into wolves, or play baseball to SuperMassive Black Hole by Muse.

I say…pffffft. Clearly, this is a series best enjoyed by Moms who can’t remember the last time their lover tore another guy to pieces for gettin a little flirty, or opened the car door for them…instead of..You comin or what?

Young girls are still getting their share of guys asking them to the prom. They don’t need Twilight.

Moms that have the unpleasant task of cleaning the toilets of little boys with a somewhat spotty aim…. need Twilight.

Anyway, back to my train of thought. It’s occurred to me today, that my dear husband really IS a vampire. The guy doesn’t sleep. I’m not sure how he does it, and so this last week, I thought I would try out his “lifestyle”. I’m younger than him, exercise regularly, and drink a lot more water. Surely I could pull it off.

I feel like the walking dead. And not the good kind.  What was I thinking? I was the one kid in Kindergarten that when our little multi-colored  mats were laid down side by side on the industrial beige tile… made a beeline to my corner of the room, shushed anyone that was too chatty, and within minutes was out like a light.

I must have sleep. Or I find myself where I am right now:  on the edge of a fit of uncontrollable giggles..or hysterical sobbing. Truly, it could go either way. My children have given me a wide berth, as even they can recognize the subtle signs of exhaustion I radiate: an eye that threatens to twitch, an overwhelming craving for anything that is or could be bread, and my snappy, yet adolescent comeback of…SO?!….to every statement.

Mom, you have two different socks onSO?!

Mom..we’re gonna be late. SO?! have a bit of gum stuck in your hair.  SO?!

I cannot compete with the vampire. I need a bed.

I hope to resurface as a kinder, gentler Lisa, that actually cares about matching socks and the state of my hair.


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