Have you ever been sitting at your local Subway..eating processed deli meat in a low carb wrap and been pleasantly surprised to see an acquaintance come strolling in and look straight at you and smile like you you’ve just been chosen Corn Queen? by the way..for all you city slickers… that’s a real honor in these parts. I shouldn’t have told you that. Try not to judge. And you get this shy, blushy..I’m the winner of the chili cook-off! feeling..only to realize they were in fact, waving at your postman who was tucking into a meatball sub and a cookie. At which point you go straight home and dive into
an entire tub a little whipped topping. Which by the way would NOT be what Katniss Everdeen would have done. She would have shot her bow..right then and there..at the sign for fizzy drinks and tea. Because she’s not the kind to be ignored. mental note: I need to learn archery.
That kinda happened to me. In metaphor form….and in real life. Here I was…re-reading all my posts….and thinking…ahhhhh the cleverness of me. I was playin Jewel songs from my widget box that took me 3 episodes of Spongebob to figure out how to install 45 minutes in normal moms-who-don’t-use-the-t.v.-as-a-babysitter time and thinkin this little addition makes my blog quite appealing. Visual: picture me as a proud jaunty peacock…with all my feathers on display…posing for pictures. And I woulda been struttin. But then…………
I decided to start looking around at my blogging colleagues. O dear God…I need to go buy more cool whip. These bloggers..actually seem to follow grammatical rules. They’ve written actual books. They were the editor of their school paper..at Harvard. Their posts get 758 LIKES..and 200 comments. Which say things like..WOW!! I read one sentence..and I just HAD to follow you!! If you need a kidney anytime soon…please call! If you had to picture me now, I’d be the turkey buzzard over in the corner of my pen hissing at people who get too close.
So, for 10 minutes, I sincerely entertained the notion of taking down my blog and sayin..Just kiddin!! to the
100’s few friends and family I’ve been calling/texting/emailing/facebooking about it. And like an icy Diet Coke in a can.. the refreshing words from my Mom helped me to take a step back from the ledge… honey..you’ve been at it a week. Maybe you could just keep going, and stop looking at what everyone else is doing? How did she get so smart? And as if the universe/God/angels/fairies were trying to help me get a grip, I accidentally (which if you know me…there ARE no accidents) found myself listening to a lecture on my ipod by the sassy New Yorker Carolyn Myss as I stepped off our front stoop to take our supersized poodle out for a walk. I would have stopped to change it, but he was in full gallop after a hot little pomeranian..so I kept his pace, and continued to listen.
Carolyn was talking about needing approval, and how it’s a biggie on the list of things that interferes with the quality of one’s self-esteem. I can’t directly quote her, but what she said was this: If you can’t comprehend why you aren’t getting the approval from a specific person, or a group of people, stop and know…that person or group..is under orders from heaven NOT to approve of you. Why? Cuz YOU are supposed to approve of YOU. If you are getting upset at the lack of approval from others in your life, it means you are looking in the wrong direction. You need to look in the mirror. Approval of yourself is your goal. And you’ll actually get there faster when you aren’t getting tons of You are fabulous-esses. Hmm. Those words tasted like this really nasty pink medicine I had to take as a child.
And here’s the thing: I’ve been given so many lovely comments by everyone I knew would…and by some I really didn’t expect. I was happy…until I began comparing. And as my wise friend Lorri pointed out…it’s kind of a big deal to put yourself out there, it’s scary, you’ll feel vunerable…..and it ain’t for sissies. So..I’m just gonna keep doin it. Even though I’m totally intimidated by Single Dad Laughing and his latest post where he took pictures of vegetables and photoshopped them to have faces. That is sheer brilliance. How could my posts about the dangers of hot glue guns possibly compete with pictures of attractive chili peppers? You can find Dan on facebook. Or you could just google him. Cuz he’s pretty famous…..and not just for his Vegetable Photoshopping skills. He writes thought-provoking posts that are nothing fancy, but powerful and stick with you like oatmeal. But..enough about Mr. Popular. I love love love writing these posts. I need to stay focused on the thrill of that. And archery. Because that could come in handy someday.